Thursday, February 02, 2006

And now for something completely different

So unlike some people, I am posting something here that I acknowledge is not my creation.

Of course, since it is obviously written by a man, I think the readers would have figured it out pretty quickly.

My poor friend Troy. He went and got hisself sterilized a while back. Routine, yes?


I have never heard of anyone with so many complications from a “simple” vasectomy. Mercy! And it continues. From the sounds of it, the blood supply to one of his ‘nads (the clinical term, of course) has been compromised, causing pain.

You know, sort of like a heart attack causes pain.

He went to see a urologist (the third one, I think?), thus the following missive:


Wanna hear all the fun details? Will I get some guy's
finger up my ass every time I go there? Can't these
guys share notes?

"Well last week when I had my finger up Troy’s ass it
felt kinda like the last prune in the box. You know,
kinda firm, but kinda small?"

But no. Each one has to have his turn in the prune
box. Do you think it's some kind of plan? If they
stick their finger up my ass every time I complain
that my nuts hurt, eventually I'll learn to keep my
mouth shut. We found a cure! Well let me tell you,
if they think that kind of simple-minded bullshit is
gonna work, they're just right. It works just fine for

Speaking of my asshole, when he told me to assume the
position, I told him that I was dealing with a severe
hemorrhoid flare-up right now, but thanks just the

I guess he'd heard that one before, but, sadly, I was
speaking the honest truth.

So this guy's got his finger up my ass and he says,
(everyone, now!) "Does this hurt?" And I said, "I
just TOLD YOU I'm having hemorrhoid problems!" (By the
way, I'm not making any of this up.)

This guy doesn't get it. So he says, "I mean besides
the hemorrhoid pain, do you feel anything else?"

"Anything else?" Listen, when you have a VERY angry
hemorrhoid, and some former collegiate line backer has
his Bum-Phillips-Bluebonnet-Sausage-sized-index-finger-

complete-with-NCAA-championship-ring up your ass,
could rupture my colon, pierce the abdominal wall, and
pin my kidney to my spine and I wouldn't feel any
thing but the fucking hemorrhoid!

But do you think I said that? No, because for once,
my brain was moving faster than my mouth. Possibly
because I had just swallowed my tongue. I quickly
realized that he was content to discuss the matter at
great length without a thought as to removing the
offending finger. The ball was clearly up my court

("up my court"--hee!). So at this point I began to
think that brevity trumped my contribution to
science, so I said,"No."

But I think I'll keep going back to the same doctor.
I think he's onto a cure. The entire time that we
were intimate, I didn't think about the pain in my
nuts! His methods may be crude, but the results are

If nothing else, my pain is a little more bearable if
it brings a smile to you ;)

I must be one sick beeyotch, because this didn't just make me smile, it made me laugh out loud. Bwahahahaha!


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