Sunday, December 02, 2007

Eulogy

I'm not cranky anymore, at least not for now.

Being annoyed by inconveniences doesn't seem very important, somehow just doesn't seem. . . right.

A friend of mine died Friday.

By his own hand.

Something, somehow, tipped the scales and he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. He was staying at the house of another friend. Walked out into the backyard and shot himself.

He was a nurse I worked with from time to time, although I probably hadn't seen him in a month. Last time I saw him, he did seem kind of down, but then, I teasingly called him "Eyore" half the time because it was always something, it seemed. His home life could out-Springer anybody, he hated his job (said it was "killing him"--but a lot of people say that, don't they?), his health had taken a couple of blows in the last year.

Just like everybody else I know, his life was flawed. I listened when I could, but I also assumed he was more resilient than he evidently was.

I wish I would have seen it coming. I wish I could have done something.

But maybe I didn't see it coming because I didn't really look.

For him, it's too late.

I don't want to ever be that blind again.

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